When You Have Nothing Left to Give
In February of 2026, Shawn Ryan aired an interview with AJ. AJ was a former senior CIA operations officer. In Southeast Asia, he experienced what was apparently a directed energy attack from a foreign nation. It left his health in shambles. According to the show description, “He recounts an acute neurological event followed by lasting cognitive, physical, and autonomic symptoms. Subsequent medical evaluations documented biomarkers consistent with brain injury and confirmed dysautonomia, among other measurable abnormalities.”
Making this even worse was the betrayal he endured at the hands of his own country. The CIA washed their hands of him and left him to fend for himself. It’s a tragic story – one that definitely shows the need for both greater accountability and compassion in national security agencies like the CIA.
What he said when he was at one of his lowest points struck me. He said he got to a point where he realized he had nothing. Then he said, “What do you still have to give when you have nothing to give? Then it hit me, you know…you give thanks. You literally have nothing, but you give thanks.” AJ is a Christian, so when he said “give thanks,” he meant “give thanks to God.” He went on to say that the first thing to give thanks for is the gospel of Jesus Christ, for the living hope we find in him. It’s powerful to hear that from someone who’s saying it not as an abstract platitude, but from the lived reality of horrible suffering.
I was going to use that as a sermon illustration at some point. However, I’m now on indefinite medical leave. My doctor suspects I have Lewy body dementia (LBD) – my symptoms are consistent with it, but it still needs to be confirmed by a neurologist. I’m not sure if I’ll preach again. I don’t know if I have anything more to give in terms of ministry. So what do I have left? If there’s nothing else, I can still take AJ’s advice and give thanks. I can give thanks for the gospel that has reconciled me to God, the gospel I’ve been privileged to preach for over 25 years. I can give thanks for the abilities and possibilities God has given me to serve his people both here in Australia and in Canada. Beyond that, I can give thanks for my wonderful wife, our loving children, and my precious beautiful granddaughter. I still have so many blessings for which to give thanks.
There’s a real possibility that I soon won’t be able to even give thanks. If it is LBD, I could have months or it could be a few years. What then? Then it’s not about what I still have to give, but entirely about who still has me in his love. If I’m no longer able to give thanks, Christ still has me as one of his precious sheep that he has promised to guard securely (John 10:28-29). As my Mediator, will he render the thanks of which I’m incapable? I’d like to think so. But I do know for sure that because of him, my loving heavenly Father will never let go of me. He gives that to me now as a gospel gift, and it’s mine regardless of whether I have anything left to give. With the prospect of empty hands, I realize that everything I had was by grace alone. It was never about what my hands had to offer anyway.
