Be a Good Guest
I was recently visiting a different Reformed church in another part of the country. I was able to attend virtually incognito (I think only one person recognized me). I was able to get a little taste of what it’s like to be a newcomer in a church not your own. Overall, it wasn’t a bad experience. Many people made eye contact and said a friendly “hello.” One of the ushers was quite attentive and came to where I was sitting in the pew to make sure I had a Book of Praise and Bible. They were pretty friendly, I thought.
It made me think about what it means not only to be a friendly and welcoming church, but also what it means to be a good guest. When I say this, I’m not writing for unbelievers or unchurched folks. I’m thinking about the professing Christians who, because of vacation or work or whatever other reason, find themselves visiting a church not their own. Does the onus fall totally on the church to make sure that’s a good experience? By good experience, I mean one where people’s behaviour enhances and doesn’t detract from giving glory to God and receiving spiritual food from him in worship.
When I was a young man, I became convinced that our local church had to do better at being welcoming to visitors. We had this grumpy old Dutchman who always stood in the narthex before the service ready to insult anyone and everyone. That was our welcoming committee. Some of us young people agreed we needed to be the change we wanted to see. We were going to make an effort to be friendly. This was going to be hard for me because I’m naturally shy and introverted. Yet I was going to try and so were others.
One Sunday my wife and I had an unfamiliar couple sit in the pew behind us. As we were walking out of church, I reached out my hand to introduce myself to them. With some trembling in my voice I said, “Hi, I’m Wes, I don’t think I’ve seen you here before. Welcome.” The guy refused to shake my hand. He scowled in disgust and said, “What do you mean? I was a member of this church 15 years ago!” With that, he and his wife turned away and marched out without saying another word to us. After 30 years, I still find this response hard to believe. I was just trying to be friendly and he snapped at me and tried to chew my head off. After that, you can imagine it’s always been a bit of a leap of faith for me to try being friendly to visitors. Once bitten and all that.
So, obviously, being a good guest begins with being gracious towards those who do make the effort to welcome you. They might be nervous or anxious. They want to do the right thing, but it might be really hard for them to make this effort. Make it easier for them by being kind and gentle; really just acting like a Christian.
But beyond that, one simple way to make it easier for people to be friendly is to make eye contact and smile. If you look like a nasty so-and-so, frowning and ignoring everyone, don’t be surprised if they don’t want to approach you. But if you have a friendly demeanour, it’s far more likely members of that church will feel comfortable coming up to you, welcoming you, and maybe even offering you some hospitality. You have to do your part.
Visiting other churches can be a delightful and God-glorifying way to experience the broader communion of saints. Many Reformed churches are making huge strides in improving the way they welcome visitors – that’s awesome. But if we’re on the other side, let’s not be so selfish and narcissistic as to think the burden for this totally falls on the church being visited. Be a good guest.
