Guest Post: Why? Questions about Abuse
Since I’ve written about it, I get a lot of correspondence from folks around the world about abuse. I hear so many sad stories and it breaks my heart. Recently, someone sent me what I’ve included below as a guest post. Who they are and where they’re from doesn’t matter. These kinds of questions apply to abuse situations virtually anywhere. Please think about them, and if you’re as passionate about this issue as I am, please share this widely. Survivors and their families will thank you.
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Some things to think about:
- Why is the abuser telling the truth, but the survivor is not?
- Why is forgiveness preached to the survivor, but true repentance not preached to the abuser?
- Why does the abuser freely go to church events, but the survivor is scared they might see their abuser?
- Why can the abuser read Matthew 18 but “can’t” read their bail conditions?
- Why will people tell the survivor they have done the wrong thing (by reporting the abuse) but won’t tell the abuser they have done the wrong thing?
- Why is the abuser not (church) disciplined for their deeds, but a survivor is disciplined for their coping strategy?
- Why do people believe an abuser won’t reoffend when statistics show otherwise?
- Why do people believe there are no more victims when statistics show otherwise?
- Why don’t statistics matter when the abuser is a church goer? When they actually are a statistic.
- Why do people go to court to support the abuser but not the survivor?
- Why does someone write a “good” character reference (for court) for an abuser but forget that they have abused someone?
- Why do people visit the abuser in jail but spend no time with the survivor?
- Why do people allow the abuser to call themselves a victim, but tell the actual victim to “get over it” or “to move on”?
- Why do people say “that must not have been nice for you” to the abuser about jail, but say to the victim “it wasn’t that bad” about the abuse?
- Why do people say “we won’t take sides in this” but then do take sides, and we know which side they take…?
- Why is an alcoholic told not to have any alcohol in the house, but it’s ok for a child abuser to live with children?
- Why is it inappropriate for a recovering addict to put as his Facebook picture himself with drug paraphernalia, but it’s ok for a child abuser to put his Facebook picture of them holding a small child?
- Why is a survivor blamed for splitting up the family, but it’s actually the abuser who has?
- Why is it ok for an abuser to “exercise” their legal right to get their best lawyer, appeal their sentence or minimize their crime in court, but not ok for a survivor to exercise their legal right to claim victims of crime compensation?
- Why does an abuser compare what they did to speeding, but dwell on and make a big deal of a survivor getting some small facts wrong?
- Why do people try to boycott an event where the abuser is not invited, but it is ok if the survivor is not invited to an event?
When you have come across an abuse situation is this how you have reacted or thought?
